On my walk this evening a white man pulled over and asked me if I needed a ride somewhere. I guess he thought I didn’t have a vehicle and I was walking as a means to get to a destination. I informed him that I was walking for exercise and graciously thanked him for the offer. That has NEVER happened to me. People are waving and smiling at me. I am greeted more now when walking into stores than I ever was. These greetings don’t feel like a warning that they are watching me. I no longer feel their eyes prowling around every step I take to see if I will steal. They show me the decency that I used to expect. They acknowledge me as a person; as a human being. Why did my people have to suffer brutal public deaths for me to be acknowledged as a human? How long will this actually last?
It’s quite bizarre; this social life I am experiencing. My heart is wrenching in the longing to be with my family. I am broken about the BBQs that I will miss this summer due to the global pandemic. On the other hand, I am embraced by a people that I have always lived in my distance. The onset of coronavirus increased their smiles and waves but the social uprising for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery transitioned these gestures from a recommendation to a mandate.
I must say, I am not sure how to feel about this. Am I to be grateful to others for finally treating me like a human being or am I to reject their embrace because I feel it’s too late? Maybe it’s neither. I think I will wait and see how long the love will last. I wonder is their love produced by guilt or a real awakening. I have so many questions. I have no answers.
I will receive the gestures as they come with grace and love, but if they stop, I will not be void of them. I position myself not to expect it no matter how frequent they may come in my present time. I won’t allow the expression of human kindness to set in as permanent.
I do this, not as a slap in anyone’s face. However, I must protect myself from accepting these humanitarian exchanges as my new normal. The times we live in are indeed rare and it is only through real change that our behaviors of unity become common.
This post may seem sad to you, and honestly, I hope it does. We must realize how sad it is that I do not and refuse to expect to be treated humanely because of the color of my skin. I grew up with the understanding that decency was not common nor free. Its cost was professional elevation and educational suffixes that still don’t seem to pay the bill.
As our allies, you have the opportunity to prove me wrong. You have the option of changing my narrative or sitting in the comforts of indifference.
The choice is yours.
[[Photo by Shamim Nakhaei on Unsplash]]
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