Have you ever taken a moment to reflect, and realize that you have been approaching important aspects of life unproductively? Seriously, take a minute with me and think about something that you have been attempting for so long and never made any significant progress. I am chuckling to myself even as I write this because recently, I had someone tell me that “movement is not progress.” Isn’t that so true?! We move through decades of life under the illusion that we are progressing, growing, and advancing. However, it is quite the contrary for some areas of our lives. We can all identify at least one, if not more, parts of our existence where we have moved a lot and not progressed. Well, for me, it was in the area of self-assurance and esteem.
I always needed someone else to give me my stamp of approval. If others did not tell me that I was; then, I wasn’t. Even worse, if they told me I was; then, I was. I found myself paralyzed in the approval processes of other people. Completely imprisoned by their opinions of what came most natural to me; I tried to be everything, but authentic. I developed a formula for living:
[Me] – [What people don’t like] + [Who they say I am] + [What they would prefer] x [How much I esteem them]
[Number of people in my life]
This was the equation I used to earn people’s love and to feel accepted. The rude awakening came when I realized that if I was never being me; then I was never loved or accepted. Recently, I have been challenged on this equation by someone who sincerely desires to get to know me. This left me with a choice: I could continue to pretend that I was being authentic and never build new friendships or allow myself to live out the fullness of who I am. I pondered these things and discussed them with two very close friends of mine who do know the REAL me. I want to share with you what they told me:
People who do not know you cannot tell you who you are. I encourage you to set boundaries with those who have limited understanding. Sometimes you have to revoke their permission to speak on certain matters because of their ignorance. It doesn’t mean that they are bad people or should be cut off, but it does call for healthy boundaries.
It is essential for us to live out loud, and not be confined by the fear of being ’too much.’ A part of authenticity is intentionality. When you are not intentional about your authenticity you may show up as fraudulent.
When I reflect on the advice of my friends and the challenge presented to me from someone who seeks to build a friendship with me; I consider what my therapist said once: YOU ARE ALREADY APPROVED.
God has stamped us. He doesn’t need us to do anything to earn this approval. In fact, there isn’t anything we can do to obtain it other than accept that we already have it. The more I let this sink in the better my days are. As much energy as I used to put in trying to be the person that others wanted me to be, I now give to remembering that God loves, accepts, and approves who He has created: ME.
When we discount ourselves as products of divine design, we devalue the worth of God’s creation. The more we remember that we are not only created in His image but formed by the works of His hands; we will operate as the majestic masterpieces that we are. Nothing that has this kind of status should yield to the fickle desires of man.
You are ALREADY APPROVED. Delete the equation, search for the foundation of who you are, and build from there. Be comfortable with yourself because God has already embraced you. Flaws, faults, and failures do not keep our Heavenly Father from wrapping you into His multi-purposed arms and reminding you who you belong to.
The process starts here but continues for life. As you journey, do what my friends told me: Be intentionally authentic, and don’t let other people tell you who you are.
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