I am the Judas that betrayed you yet I refuse to hang myself.
Let the waves of the water reflect how continuous you are
Let the wind be the arms of your bosom that I long to feel
Let the sound of stillness calm the storms that rage inside
Let the sky reflect your unlimited mercy and abounding grace
I need to see you in the life of each day you give me
I need to feel your comfort when my night is longer than my sleep
Lord I am not the token daughter or the righteous reflection of your son
I am broken like the alabaster box that Mary couldn’t bear to hold
I am the pain pouring out of each puncture from your crown of thorns
I am the spit mixed with blood staining your face with hatred
I am the fist full of hair as your image continues to loose its identity
I am the cat of nine tails ripping the muscle from your body
I am the Judas that betrayed you yet I refuse to hang myself
I am the holes stuck into bone and flesh hanging you for my sin
I am the sphere that pierced you ensuring death made its claim
I am not one of a kind but one in the kind of people that would torture their king
I don’t deserve you or your mercy and second chances shouldn’t be mine to claim
Help me believe that forgiveness belongs to me too
Help me see that I can be saved by grace through faith
I feel like I lost the war but I keep fighting these pointless battles
Take me out of my metaphors and figurative rants of rage
Settle me in the real and literal truth of the son that you raised
Remove from me the sting of death that I long to burn with
Take away the victory that I have forfeited over to the grave
Gather my heap of ashes and show me if there is any beauty left inside
Whisper winds to bring these dry bones to life once again
And if there is a storm ahead give me the anchor to bear it
If suffering comes once more let my grip tighten on your hand
Don’t give me over to my own stupidity and imposed insanity
I don’t want to be lost when I know you’ve already found me
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