Photo by Julie Molliver on Unsplash
The day before Thanksgiving a very close and dear friend of mine expressed how she was not feeling well both emotionally and physically. I told her to let me know if there was anything I can do to help and if she just needed an empathetic ear, I was available. However, I went to bed that night restless and unable to sleep. Hours later, I popped out of bed with an idea to cheer her up. I had an hour and a half before Walmart closed for Thanksgiving. I threw my clothes on and raced out the door. I purchased 10 bundles of yarn and some of her favorite self-care items. That night into the morning I crocheted a tote for my friend. Her face lit up when she opened her gift bag of goodies that included the handmade tote, I had just completed some hours ago.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks later, my friend asked for some customizations to her bag. I was elated to fulfill her request because I love her, and it was an opportunity to try new things. After all of the additions were complete, she asked me to stitch a lotus flower on the inside.
This was frustrating because I didn’t know how to do this, and I wanted it to be perfect. All of the other things she asked for I was able to figure out or had time to research. However, this I had to do on the spot as she was ready to walk out of the door to debut the tote during her spa weekend. I had to rely on the creativity I possess and her help along the way. Each stitch was filled with doubt and frustration. It didn’t take long to complete, but when I was finished, I asked her to bring it back and let me fix it.
My friend said to me: “How could you ask me to let you fix something that I love?”
This question struck my core and lifted my heart. I pushed aside its impact momentarily and smiled at my friend and said: “You’re right.”
My friend replied with a big smile on her face: “It’s perfect! Thank you!”
She slid into her boots and danced the bag onto her shoulder and said: “Bye friend!”
I would love to be able to say that I walked back into my apartment after seeing her off and wrote this post. I would love to tell you that the momentary suppression of her question immediately rose to consciousness and I let it have its way. But that’s not what happened. I continued about the business of my weekend and it wasn’t until this morning, two days later, that I realized what my friend ACTUALLY asked me.
How could you ask me to let you fix something that I love?
This question is ringing in my mind and spirit because I believe that The Father is asking me this same question. I am ALWAYS trying to fix myself before I come to Him. If I sin, I hide it until I think (emphasis on think because I did not die on the cross for my sin) I have suffered enough to fix it.
How many of us have friends that constantly and continuously express love for the things that we hate about ourselves? I have a very small tight circle of friends who all echo very similar sentiments and appreciation about what I categorize as flaws and faults. My friends long suffer with me in my refusal to reframe and change my perspective. There are so many other things they could use that energy in support of, but instead, I facilitate their struggle with me by choice.
Fixing the lotus flower on the tote would have meant completely destroying the one I originally stitched and creating a new one. How many times do we destroy parts of ourselves in a futile effort to be better? I have done so much harm to myself trying to destroy the things that are not “perfect” enough for me while The Father and my dear friends keep asking me:
How could you ask me to fix something that I love? …
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