Ride & Die Chick

Photo by Jayson Hinrichsen on Unsplash

So many women pride themselves on being a “ride or die” chick. What we don’t realize is that we are riding and dying. As we hold it down for our friends and lovers, we are losing ourselves little by little. We are forgetting who we are, what we stand for, where we come from, and we are neglecting to learn such things about ourselves. It’s a badge of honor to be this type of woman. Especially, if you are a woman of color. It shows a loyalty and selflessness produced by the oppression we live through each day. It is an unhealthy service to the people we love. We give at the cost of ourselves; bearing a price tag we cannot afford.

When will we stop riding and dying? When will we realize that we aren’t serving anyone by living this way? We think there is a greater good; a benefit in the end that we never get to see. Until one day we wake up and realize that all that riding has cost us our lives. We don’t only do it for people; we do it for institutions like our jobs and our churches as well. Oh, and one could only dream that these things we are dying for would take turns pulling at what we have to offer. No, it is a combination of requests simultaneously depleting us and we die having given ourselves little to nothing. Many of you reading this may disagree with me because we fool ourselves into believing that this is what we are supposed to do; what we are meant to do.

I was a Ride and Die Chick for my man, my friends, my family, my church, and you better believe I was at my job most mornings before the lights came on. Oh, and rest assured it was a thrill!! I was validated in the unhealthy balance known as my life. I would brag with the rest of my Ride and Die Sisters about how many extra PTO days I had because I didn’t take time off. When I bought a home, I made sure it was close to my church because I had to be at every service to give them their equal share. Our leadership used to tell us that we should give just as much time to the Lord as we did our jobs, and I took this to heart. My friends could ask me for ANYTHING, and they were sure to get it. My family got their share but came second to last in my love. As for my man, he got EVERYTHING he needed and desired. I wasn’t the kind of woman that did anything halfway. I went hard for my church, hard for my man, hard for my friends, hard for my family, hard for my job, and whatever else snuck into the responsibilities of my heart. Don’t get it twisted, I don’t blame any of them. I wanted this! I needed this! What would I do without this?!

Well, I hit rock bottom with nothing left to give. Some people walked away, and many had to be removed for the sake of survival. I had nothing left. Depleted, but not dead; I looked at myself and didn’t recognize my face, my mannerisms, my voice, or my desires. Everything I had become was framed by how others viewed me, and now that they were gone, I had no identity.

Even Hollywood celebrates the Ride and Die Chick. I loved me some Olivia Pope and Analise Keating. They became the heroine to minority women millennials and whether we recognized it or not; it verified our lifestyle. Seeing these characters made me feel inadequate; like I wasn’t doing enough. I am not taking a dig at the shows, actors, or writers. However, I hope to illuminate a dangerous persona that we think we have to stand in as women. I pray that we become more familiar with ourselves because it is the power within that will benefit those around us. I dream that our desires do not lie in the needs and wants of others, but in the purpose and destiny that belongs uniquely to us. I beg my fellow sisters to free themselves from the masks delivered by each person they are in service to and embrace who they are. I implore us all to give space to our sisters to freely explore themselves. Our authenticity is far more beautiful than the shallow lens that society has taught us to see through.

We are losing ourselves in the ride and die lifestyle. We should love sacrificially, and equally include ourselves as a recipient. Many of us are learning this lesson the hard way, I know I am. Without change, the generations coming will witness this behavior believing it is what they are supposed to do, and the cycle will continue. When we know who we are; we won’t have to ride and die because our authenticity will empower those around us. The misconception that you are depriving others because you take time for yourself is now undone. Loving yourself is the best service you can give anyone you encounter. When you aren’t true to yourself each person you are connected to has to participate in your lie. It’s up to you now to choose a journey of truth. Will you walk with me?