I grew up hearing Christian leaders say things like:
“Faith and fear cannot dwell together;”
“Don’t pray and worry;”
“If you give it to God don’t take it back;” and
“God is only moved by faith, not emotion.”
While there is some merit to these statements and messages like them; I have come to learn that God welcomes my imperfections. I am not saying we should run amuck and do whatever we want to do and not give thought to how we live according to God’s word. What I am saying is that the gaps between faith and fear, prayer and worry, belief and unbelief are reflective of the progress that you are making in your relationship with God. Instead of judging yourself based on the existence of both; you can measure your growth based on how much of each you are exercising in comparison to prior struggles.
I spend a lot of time trying to be perfect for God. When I am not perfect, I run from Him. I punish myself by turning in my All-Access Pass and being thoroughly convinced that it is God who took it away. I stop worshiping, I stop praying, and I stop reading His word. I dwell in this stricken guilt and false humility that tells me I am not worthy to be with my Father. My role as judge, jury, and executioner leaves no room for God’s mercy, grace, forgiveness, or redemption until I change the verdict.
This behavior is arrogant and offensive to the Lord. To think that my actions and patterns of behavior serve as the price of admission into His presence is detestable and insulting to the death, burial, and resurrection of my savior. The fact that I operate in these legalisms that sentence me to time away from The Father as if I could ever pay the price for my redemption is a waste of precious time.
I have come to learn that the distance between repentance and forgiveness is a choice. Redemption has already been given. While the sin was yet in my will to participate in redemption had already taken place. “Shall we continue sinning that grace may abound, God forbid.” (Romans 6:1) I know enough not to take advantage of the grace of God and I also know that “a righteous man may fall seven times and rise again.” (Proverbs 24:16)
I can no longer allow myself to believe that there is ANYTHING I can do to earn access to God. He was tortured, tormented, despised, ridiculed, nailed to a cross, murdered, and RISEN for the price of my sin and the purpose of my life.
I encourage you to reflect on how you manage your mistakes. How long does it take you to reconcile with The Father? Do you take His place as judge, jury, and executioner? Do you dare to live like there is ANYTHING you can do to redeem yourself? If you do, I hope you learn from my self-righteous behavior and change your process. In fact, we can change together. I invite you to pray this prayer with me:
“Father, you have done all that is necessary to redeem me from my sin. I relinquish my position in choosing to persecute and condemn myself. For I know that when I judge myself it is to come into reconciliation with you and not to self-punish. I am free in this moment to love you and be as close to you as I want to be. My sin makes me feel distant from you, but you never leave me, and you never forsake me. Lord, help me not to run away in my shame, and when I do help me to quickly return. – In Jesus Name, Amen.”
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