So often we find ourselves in the countdown to when it will all be over. When things will go back to the normal we were once so comfortable with. Yet, we should probably be asking ourselves: Were we really comfortable? Was it really as great as we remember it? Change comes in our lives because the normal that we became familiar with needs to be redirected for one reason or another. I think about the global crisis today. People are asking so many questions of one deity or another. Many of us are frustrated with the solitary connectedness of our homes and our closest relatives. We are distanced from our offices and the hustle that each day used to bring. I am not saying that I welcome a crisis that has left almost 150,000 loved ones dead. I am not saying that I welcomed the suffering in my own life that fought against my self-esteem, suppressed my femininity, and tried to shackle my gifts. What I am saying; is that every major shift in our lives, individually and collectively, recalibrates us in such a way that we will never be the same.
Please do not mistake me. This is not a post to tell you to maximize your time by building your business, reading more books, growing your marriage, spending more time with your kids, increasing your prayer life, etc. You already know what you could, should, will, and will not do. No, I write to you as an encouragement to TAKE YOUR TIME. I don’t know what crisis has reset the course of your life. I will not assume that COVID-19 was the beginning of your storm because it surely wasn’t the beginning of mine. However, I am asking you on behalf of yourself to take it easy on your journey of healing. This is not just for quarantine times, but when things shift again, and the virus loses the strength of its threat on human lives. Do you think the pain and struggles that you face, if you have faced them, are going to go away when you snap your fingers? Or even when the doors of our favorite and most frequented places open once again? It doesn’t work that way. Each day and each moment are a choice where you choose if you are healing through your storm or simply carrying the weight of its destruction. Whether you are out and about or sitting in your required solitude; this midnight hour can exist at any point on your clock.
I get so frustrated with the things that still cause tears to fall down my cheeks and my heart to suffocate in its own beat. I say to myself: How in the hell can I still be crying over this?! It happened 22 years ago … literally! Well, what I realized is that for the past 22 years I have carried the weight of being molested weekly for two years as child, but I was not healing through it. I have been counting down for 22 years for the abuse to finally hit the midnight hour and no longer matter, but it will always matter. The real question is: How does it matter? The more I heal through the suffering of being molested; the less significant the pain becomes. I am able to write this to you now because I have pushed through this tragedy enough to speak of it. I share it so you understand that I am not talking out of thin air, but I am sharing from a real place.
Your suffering does matter, and it will always matter. Whether it is a loss of someone you love, abuse, wrong decisions you’ve made, or any other reason. IT DOES MATTER! Take your time and intentionally progress through your pain. Take the breaks you need, take the pauses you need, and create the boundaries necessary for you to heal. The year of 2020 has rocked all of our worlds in one way or another. Maybe you’re like me and the suffering you seek to heal through dates over two decades ago. No matter where the pain began, there is progress in the present moment for all of us.
Love is patient. If we are going to love ourselves, we should be patient with our pain. I carried mine like an identity for about 22 years and only in the recent months have I decided to deal with it. I look at it for what it is, and I let myself feel every emotion that comes. Sometimes I walk through the reframing and adjusting of my thoughts on my own. Other times, I have to call a trusted friend to help me. I am turning off my clock and investing all of the energy I used to put into everyone else; into myself. Will you join me?
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