I have this ring that I wear on my index finger every day. To most, it’s just a piece of jewelry that adds to the fashion of my outfit, but to me, the ring serves a much deeper purpose. To say it is my favorite ring is a drastic understatement. It would do no service to its meaning for me to try to describe its value in one word. Therefore, I share this story with you:
I purchased this ring some years ago and do not really remember when. However, I can see the moment that I bought it playing like a movie in my mind. I went to get my nails done with a church friend. I had gotten French tips because it is my favorite and my go-to nail design. I always feel so classy with a nice French manicure. Anyway, we drove away from the nail salon in my Candy Apple Red 2011 Ford Focus that some called Big Red, and I called Sasha. Driving up the road I saw Jared Jewelry, a store that I so frequently visited to purchase gifts for others. I pulled into the parking lot and told my friend we should just go in and look around. As I walked through the Pandora section I was captivated by a shiny ring with a bow in the center. It sparked and shined, and my face reflected its radiance in exuberant excitement. I love bows! This ring was Stirling silver with Cubic Zirconium “diamonds” all around it. I purchased the ring for $150 and wore it out of the store.
At the time of the purchase, I already had a ring. A beautiful one, in fact. Sitting on the ring finger of my left-hand shouting to the world that I "permanently" belonged to someone else through biblical covenant and government contract. However, my new ring with the bow on it I wore on the ring finger of my other hand. I really wanted to wear it on my index finger, but my fingers, at the time, were too chunky for me to wear it there. Over the years I would lose this ring and never give much care or energy to look for it, but it would always randomly appear. It would show in the most random of places after being lost for weeks and sometimes months.
Fast forward through a divorce, mental breakdowns, suicidal ideations, two major residential moves, job changes, death of loved one, and many more traumas I do not care to list this ring followed me to everywhere I went. I began to wear it every day because it felt like the one thing committed to me in a time when nothing else felt as permanent. It was a symbol of self-love, something that I rarely express. This ring became the comfort and stability that I so desired at a very unstable time in my life.
In more recent times, the ring would still get lost and show up again, but it would only be lost for a few days at most. Then, one day I dropped the ring in the gravel outside of my apartment. I remember dropping it, I heard where I dropped it, and I began to look for the ring in the gravel. After some searching, I couldn’t find where it landed. I finally gave up and went on about my day with the surety that the ring was lost forever.
Later that evening I went on amazon and ordered some index finger rings to replace the one I had lost. This is the first time I ever desired to replace this ring out of all the times it had been lost before. I kept ordering and returning items because none of the rings fit or looked right. My friend asked me about my original ring and why I was ordering rings from Amazon. I told her what happened with a tone of indifference that did not reflect how I really felt. I pretended that I did not care that my ring was lost. I didn’t want it to matter so much to me, but it wasn’t until it was lost that I realized how much it truly mattered.
Some months later, my friend and I were getting out of the car or walking towards it (I can’t remember) and we both saw the ring in the gravel. By this time, I had convinced myself that it did not matter to me, so I shrugged and said something like “it’s damaged now.” I planned to leave it right there in the gravel, but my friend picked it up and said, “you could clean it.” I still did not give it much attention and she placed it in the small door pocket. I saw it there every day for about a week or two and pretended it didn't exist because it had been disfigured.
But one day I picked it up and inspected it; damaged from being smashed by my car tires against the gravel some of the stones were missing and the metal was bent. However, it was at that very moment this ring became my symbol of hope, love, and redemption. I went to Walmart and purchased a jewelry cleaner cup and soaked it overnight. It didn’t really look any better afterward, but at least I knew it was clean.
Now, I wear this ring every day because it is a mirror of my spirit. I have been lost and found over and over and over and over again each time shorter or longer than the last. I have been crushed under the weight of my own choices just like my tires rolled over my own ring. I have found myself between a rock and a hard place just like my ring remained pressed in between the rocks of the gravel. I have lost some of the sparkles and am dented with scratches all over just like my ring lost stones and changed shape.
However, every single day before I walk out of the door, I slide the ring onto my index finger and remember that no matter how many times I have been run over, crushed, lost, forgotten, treated with indifference, and damaged I still have a purpose and the Lord still adorns Himself with me. I am reminded that I did not decrease in value because of my hardships or because I and others did not recognize my worth. It tells me daily that I am not too broken to be used and my purpose was not erased in my suffering.
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